Who am I?

I find myself asking this question more and more these days? There is so much "clutter" in the world telling us who we should be/need to be. So who am I? Why can't I have more, do more, be more? Why am I afraid to let others truly see who I am? But, if I don't even know who I am - maybe that's where the fear lies? Why am I so controlling? Why do I always have to win the argument? Why do I struggle with my ability to surrender it all to God? Surrender seems like loss, like becoming less - only "losers" surrender! Once again I find myself caught up in the the worlds interpretation/translation of surrender. What does God's interpretation of surrender look like?
Who is my argument with anyway? Is my argument with God? Perhaps I am just arguing with myself? I want to have it all, be all, do all, end all - Am I trying to be god?
A.W. Tozer said, “The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven’t yet come to the end of themselves. We’re still trying to give orders, and interfering with God’s work within us.”
WOW, there it is - control - who has control? We think we do, but in reality it is only a facade - our own reality, not reality. We have no control. Life happens and we are unable to control it or stop it. We say, "let go and let God" - but somehow for some reason we always take the reigns back from God.

Reading some C.S. Lewis recently caused me to realize that my thoughts are certainly not new - He struggled with these issues too? Once again I am reminded that life is about the struggle not about the destiny. There is no such thing as "winning at the end" - it's about winning one day at a time, by submitting all to God each and every day. And then perhaps we begin to see our true selves emerge as the whole human that God intends us to be....maybe some day I will get this....someday, but today I have things I must get done....

C. S. Lewis observed, “The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become – because he made us.He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.”