Count to Ten - or more if needed!

My first grade teacher Mrs. Rivers always used to say to me, David count to ten before you speak in anger or frustration. This was, and still is, very good advice for those of us who tend to respond in an emotional way to negative information. Especially when it comes to dealing with family members - My Teenagers, can really get my dander up and my heart pounding! Was I this way with my folks? I guess I was, I just can't remember.
As parents we often forget what it was like to be a teenager, in fact at times when I have yelled at my own kids for doing really inappropriate things, they look at me like, what's the big deal? Why are you getting all worked up? To them, it seems like nothing. So what is that? Do we really not get it? I think not. But to the immature teenagers who can't P.I.S.S. (Properly Interpret Social Situations) they wonder what the big deal is. They can't even comprehend where you are coming from. So then, how will my ranting and raving and yelling impact them? Certainly not in the way I would like for it to. I would like to get the apology and the statement, "you are right almighty dad and that will never happen again or I will give myself 40 lashes". In fact, they probably will just think; "there goes dad again, on one of his tirades". They just don't get it. We have to remember that because our young teenagers can't P.I.S.S., we must count to ten, or twenty, or thirty - OK for me, 100!
With all that we have been through with our kids, there is no more shock or surprise. No more disbelief that this thing or that thing could even happen - no, now we are just numb to these negative surprises. No more shock or awe, no more anger, no more shame. Just sadness and perhaps even some depression that this is our lot in life until such a time as our kids finally figure out how to P.I.S.S. - Once they finally grow up! I guess we are supposed to enjoy each stage of our kids lives, and don't get me wrong, in the whole big picture, this is just a small span of time. But I must be honest I hope this time called "Teenager" goes by very quickly - because one thing is for sure - I am not sure what might happen after 100 on some days..... Isn't life great!

Happiness and how I react to it

I have teenage kids and as a parent I am always trying to plant those seeds that may one day take root and be helpful to them in life. Since they are teenagers, they always blow me off as being "Mr. Positive", or even "Mr. Perfect" - Ouch! Perfect? No way, just trying to be helpful? Always. So I keep trying in spite of their normal adolescent obstinacy. Life with teenagers - lots of drama, especially with the girls. Too much drama most of the time. I am always telling my kids that honesty with yourself is the most important person to be honest with. If you can't do that, then you are at risk for heading down many wrong paths. "To thine own self be true" - see it's not a new concept since Shakespeare already thought of it.

Who is in the mirror? My dad always used to say, ultimately you live with yourself, so can you? What do you see when you look in the mirror? You have to be able to look into the mirror and be OK with who you are, what you are, and where you are going. You also have to be able to forgive yourself as God does. Forgive yourself, turn your past sins over to God and know that He loves you unconditionally and that you are forgiven - so learn to forgive yourself.

Another great saying by our play write is:
Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.
--Shakespeare

This leads me to my topic today of finding happiness by choosing to find happiness. How you react to situations in your life is key to your serenity and ultimate happiness.

Look for the Good in all things and circumstances.

Life is an interpretive experience. What happens is less important than how we respond to our circumstances. An intense stimulus that some people report as pain others report as pleasure. It is we who decide what the interpretation will be.

Are you a "good finder"? A recent study of the country's millionaires showed that the most common trait they all shared was the ability to discover good in any situation. This trait is also common in "triumphant survivors" - those individuals who overcome adversity and emerge
strengthened and renewed.

A sincere spiritual seeker suffering from a chronic illness wondered, "Why haven't my prayers been answered?" One day, in deep meditation the reply came: "Look for the good in your situation and you will see that the answer has already been provided." Suddenly this woman realized that her crisis provided a wonderful opportunity. She embarked on a program
of nutrition, exercise, and yoga, which led to a dramatic improvement in the quality of her life.

Abraham Lincoln once said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Your state of mind is up to you. Choose now to look for the good.

Forgiveness

How many issues arise in your day to day life that cause you to react and respond in ways that later you regret? It is so difficult to have the discipline to always respond in a positive way, without getting emotional about the issue or topic. We all come to conclusions based on our experiences and there fore there has to be room for open discussion, agreement/disagreement, and understanding. "Seek first to understand" is a solid approach to truly understanding the other persons position. But more often we jump in with our own understanding and "wage our battle" as if it is the only way. It's my way or the highway! So how can we seek first to understand, how do we learn to forgive fully and move on?

I think Rick Warren sums it up well in his approach to forgiveness.

How to Let Go of Past Hurts
by Rick Warren

Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is
written, “I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it,”
says the Lord. Romans 12:19 (NLT)

First, relinquish your right to get even. Leave that up to God; he’ll
take care of it (Romans 12:19). I’ve been married for thirty years
and I’m ashamed to say, I’ve hurt my wife many times. But after
thirty years, we’re still together and more in love than ever before.
Why? Because it’s not hurt that destroys relationships, it’s an
unwillingness to forgive. We’re human; we’re going to hurt each
other. But the question is, will you give up your right to get even?
And will you offer forgiveness? When you do, any hurt can be
overcome.

Second, respond to evil with good. How can you tell when you’ve
released somebody, when you’ve completely forgiven them? You can
actually pray for God to bless the person who hurt you. The Bible
says we should overcome evil with good, praying for those who hurt us
(Romans 12:21; Matthew 5:44).

Third, repeat these steps as long as necessary. Forgiveness is rarely
a one-time shot. When somebody hurts you, we tend to think about it
over and over and over. How often do you have to forgive the person?
The Apostle Peter once asked Jesus, “‘Lord, how many times shall I
forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus
answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’”
(Mathew 18:21-22 NIV). In other words, it needs to be continual,
limitless; we shouldn’t even try to count the times we forgive, just
as Jesus doesn’t count the times he forgives us.

Where Strength is found!

Where do you find strength? Where do you find the energy to make it through a tough and grueling day? Where do you find the courage to keep fighting the good fight?
We get so busy and so caught up in our day to day struggles it is easy to get bogged down in the quagmire of life. It becomes an endless cycle of monotony that can bring you down and not let you back up. Have you heard the term living "in the world", not "of the world"? There is a huge difference in the meaning of simply changing those two little letters - "in" instead of "of". If we are simply living in the world then we know that there is another place we go after this place. That we are living not for our selves, but for others. That if we give of ourselves and serve others then there is higher meaning and purpose in our lives. A true servants heart is a powerful thing. Whereas if we live of the world then we will eventually get consumed in all of the tantalizing things life has to offer. Lets face it, there are a lot of cool things to see and do on this earth. There are also many things that appeal to our darker side that look like so much fun - we can get sucked up into a life of this world so quickly. It's actually a slow process, it never happens all at once - but if we are not careful, not vigilant, we can slowly fade into the deep dark despair that this world offers.
So what is the answer? The answer is staying focused on the truth. The truth that there is a God who loves you and who cares deeply for you. A God who does not want you to live of this world, but realizes you have to live in this world. So He provides friends in the faith who come along side you to help you and keep you on track. He also has provided us a complete guide on how to survive in this world - it's the number one selling book of all time - The Holy Bible! All you have to do is seek His wisdom and direction and it is found in His writing's, His inspired music, His inspired poetry (Psalms), and in His awesome book of helpful hints (Proverbs). So ask yourself, what is keeping you away from seeking the God who loves you? Could it be because you are choosing be a product of this world? Perhaps it's time to start rise above the "haze" and take charge of your life by living with a purpose. Living in the world in such a way that you are making it a better place for someone else. Once you begin to live for others and not for yourself - this is where true strength is found!

Find your "Passion Zone"

What is your Mission in life? What is your calling? Are you working in your "passion zone"? You have heard it many times, that to be truly happy in your work, you need to work in your "Passion Zone". Do what you are excited about. Do what comes naturally to you. God has blessed each of us with unique gifts and talents that we bring to the table. You need to have the confidence that your gifts are what the world needs. Be bold, step up, know that you must use your God given gifts to bless others or you are not fulfilling your calling in life. Some people tell me they feel guilty to get paid for doing what they love to do. What you love to do seems to come naturally, so easy - how can you get paid for something that is so easy to do? Well I am here to tell you that you must get paid for your unique gifts, because money is a tool by which you can share your gifts with others. Folks get confused about "money being the root of all evil". In reality it is our approach to money that can be the root of all evil. Are you doing what you do only for the money? Is money your god? Do you worship your savings account? Do you sacrifice all others by working so hard to gain more money? These attitudes and behaviors would be the "root of all evil" - not the money. Money is a necessary tool by which things get done in our culture.
Wouldn't it be awesome to work in your passion zone, make millions of dollars and give it all away to those less fortunate? Or to spend your time and money helping others find their passion and teach them how to work in their passion zone so they in turn can bless others? God given gifts and talents are meant to be a blessing to others. It is only when man distorts those talents and gifts that they become tools of destruction. Find your mission, identify your passion, and then figure out how to do your life's work in your "Passion Zone". Another key to finding true happiness in life.

Learning to love yourself

The first step in finding peace and happiness is learning how to love yourself. No one knows your faults better than you - no one knows your deep dark secrets better than you. So it is easy to think of all the reasons why we can't do this or that, or why we can't fully love ourselves. One idea would be to start with a self inventory - make a list of all the things you like about yourself - at first this will seem awkward and difficult. Your list may even seem short at first, mine was. But share it with a friend, someone you can trust to understand what you are trying to accomplish. Don't try to "justify" or negate the things you wrote by focusing on your shortcomings. In time you will learn to like yourself and begin to see the many qualities that make you unique and worthy of compliments.

The next step in learning to love yourself is to accept the love of others - especially when you think you don't deserve it. The best way to accept love is to offer love to others - be grateful for another's kindness, by telling them what you appreciate about them. The smallest gesture on your part will go along way to cultivating love and respect from and for others. By focusing on other's needs we tend to stop focusing only on ourselves. And then when we turn our own shortcomings over to God, He turns them into strength's that we can then use to make another's life worthwhile. Doing life together is what it is all about - and you will find peace in the truth that God loves you very much - we are called to love others as God loves us, just the way we are - because that's how He created us.

Where is Happiness found?

Life and the pursuit of happiness is an illusive and dynamic interchange of thoughts and feelings combined with interaction with those around you. I am continually amazed at how people come along side you when you need it most - the more open and honest you are, the more this tends to happen. There is the feeling that life is something you can control - then life happens and you realize that you actually have no control at all. All you can do is turn it over to God and finally realize that only He has the ultimate control. I used to pray for specific outcomes - needs/wants/health/happiness etc. Now I pray for God's will to be realized in a given situation - and courage to face whatever that will is. He knows what is best for us. It is when we are in the most pain and toughest struggles that we seek relief - in any way we can. It is during these times that true character is reveled. Who are you/what are you when times are toughest? Do you run from God and blame Him for your troubles? Or do you run toward God and realize that life happens and we need to God to make sense of it all. Easier to say that to do - and that is why it is so important to have friends and loved ones who will come along side you when times are toughest - to share their wisdom and ideas. God's angels put in your life to help us make sense of it all.